It was one of those years that still feels difficult to put into words, as if the act of trying to do so creates an ache. The kind of year that held joy, adventure, ugliness, and pain all mangled up together into something impossibly complicated. A year that, taken at face value, should be effortless to name, and yet, extraordinary as it was, when I truly allow myself to step back into the past, and unravel 2025, it leaves me with the most imperceptible, yet undeniably bad taste.
I have not been able to write for 3 years now. Sounds dramatic, I know, but it’s not untrue. Whatever skill or discipline I developed for myself since I began posting my writing in 2015 has mysteriously vanished since 2020, and I’ve been grasping onto as many faint strands of whatever is left of it ever since.
I watch the corners of your mouth curl up, as you tilt your face towards the sun and close your eyes. It’s the perfect October afternoon, the kind where the air is crisp, the sky is a nearly cloudless blue, and the sun is still high in its downward path into the night. We walk our usual route, on the south side towards the water.
The city feels different here.
The old streets run north-south, but curve back and forth, like ocean waves, pulling us along them from side to side. The houses are so unique, each with a character of its own and a story to tell. But what mesmerized me the most, would always be the old trees. With their immense roots pressed deep into the earth, they stood taller than the ones back home. Their branches spanned farther and wider, effortlessly mapping out the blue sky. I pause for a moment and look up, watching the rays of sunlight sparkle between the red and orange leaves as they sway, so slightly in the lake breeze. It feels surreal. As we walk, I scan our surroundings, blissfully soaking in every detail. Occasionally releasing your hand, I pull out my phone and capture whatever it is that has me in awe, before quickly returning it safely to my pocket and continuing along beside you.
‘Take your time’, you say, seeming at complete ease, reaching out your hand for mine.
As I pull myself up against your side and rest my cheek upon your shoulder, I smile. I knew full well that this would become one of those moments. The kind you wish you could freeze, but would still somehow become etched into your memories. The kind where everything around you, the trees, the sun, the lake, and the breeze, made you feel like all of this was meant to be; like they knew, as much as you, that this moment, this feeling, and this person standing hand in hand beside you, was something very special.
We are all going through something. Whether it’s something that looms across the entirety of our day, or perhaps it’s a single thought that only occupies a few fleeting moments of our time, in any case, I’ve come to realize that we are all going through something. We are all thinking, processing, internalizing, pushing aside, accepting or letting go of something, and it’s truly unfortunate that so many of us go at it alone.
