An Open Letter
Dear Old Friend,
I miss you. I miss us, and the way things used to be. I miss talking to you and telling you about everything that was happening in my life. You were my confidant, and my advisor. There has been so much going on in my life lately, if only you knew how many times I wanted to just pick up the phone and call you, the way that I used to. Do you remember when we would call each other on the regular, like clock-work. I have no idea what we used to talk about for so long, but it didn’t matter because even our silences were comfortable. I wish I could call you and ask you how you’ve been, but you may not want to pick up. I wish I could message you to meet me for coffee or to grab a bite to eat, but you may not reply. I wish I could drop by and simply pay you a visit, but you may not want to see me.
Sometimes I’ll see something that reminds me of you. Sometimes the memories will be subtle, but sometimes they’ll hit me like a brick. When I go to the park I remember the times we used to go together. When I go for a walk I remember how you used to join me. Sometimes I’ll hear a song play and remember how we used to sing it, loud and proud, regardless of how awful we may have sounded. You always joined me in my antics. Sometimes when I look up and see a sky full of stars, or admire a kiss from the wind on my cheeks, or smile at the pink sky as the sun sets, I am reminded of you. You always shared the same appreciation for those small, priceless moments.
Do you remember how we used to discuss our hopes and dreams? I wonder if yours are coming true. You were always one of my biggest supporters, always in my corner ready to help me up if I fell. Do you remember that picture of us embracing and laughing like we didn’t have a care in the world? It’s been sitting in the picture frame on the top of my dresser since the summer that it was taken; I haven’t had the heart to change it. You see I’m afraid of change, especially right now. What if something really big happens and you’re not there? What if too much time passes and we become different people? Who am I kidding, do you remember the day you came over after all those years? You were so nervous, but my family welcomed you back as if those years apart had simply vanished. It felt just like old times didn’t it?
Sometimes I think about us and I get angry at the realization that we’re no longer what we used to be. Sometimes I blame you for this mess. Sometimes I wonder what I could have done differently to stop this. Sometimes I’m spiteful and wonder if we continue in this way, if one day you’ll wake up and regret it. Maybe then you’ll feel something? Maybe then you’ll miss me too? But it was you that taught me not to be spiteful. Sometimes I wonder if after years apart I’ll hate you for never being there when I needed you. But the truth is old friend, I could never hate you, not in a million years. You were my family, and will always be my family.
No matter how much I try and question it, no matter how much I try and wonder what if, I know that things are the way they are for a reason. I know that we both have our own growing up to do, that we both have our own priorities to take care of. I know that right now is the farthest apart that we have ever been, and I’m sorry for this, but I also know that we will find each other again. We always do don’t we?
This kind of friendship isn’t the kind that is fleeting, it’s not the kind that resides in only one chapter of your life. This kind of friendship was forged when we were young, when love knew no limits, and when things were shades of grey as opposed to the black and white it is today. This kind of friendship I gave a piece of my heart to a long time ago, and would never dare ask for it back.
Despite our differences, and despite the distance, know that I will always be happy to see you again. Know that I pray you are always safe and well. Know that I believe that you will gain the success you’ve always worked so hard for. Know that I hope your heart is never broken, and that your dreams are never shattered. Know that you will always be in my thoughts and my prayers. It doesn’t matter where life takes us, know that I will always make a space for you.
My dear old friend, I wish so much that I could tell you all this myself, but I know that you may not feel the same way I do. I know that you have other things to worry about. So read this when you are ready, regardless of how long after that may be, know that my feelings will not change. My dearest old friend, I look forward to the day our paths cross again, I expect I’ll have a lot to tell you. Until then, take care of yourself.
Love Always,
Your Old Friend