“Life is not a matter of chance… it is a matter of choice.” – Ka

“Did you figure it out yet?”

Nope.

“Why not, shouldn’t you figure it out by now?”

I find it silly when people think that if your Plan A fails you should automatically have your Plan B locked and loaded. And although it’s a brilliant strategy to have and has probably served well for those that have implemented it, it’s not something that everyone has prepared. I always knew that a Plan B was important for me; I didn’t want to keep wasting time trying to figure out alternative routes if medical school didn’t work out right away. On paper my Plan B was flawless, but in reality I hit obstacles that I didn’t anticipate, I discovered fears I didn’t know I had, and I lost hope when things didn’t pan out as planned. Many times I found myself sitting in silence just worrying about the future, and wondering what I was going to do.

Yes, the truth is I felt lost, and as if my whole life was just a mess. I felt like I was still at rock bottom and no matter how often I tried to climb out, something would just send me back, falling to the ground. It felt as though after multiple setbacks I had come to terms with the fact that I’d just have to become comfortable where I was and accept it. Soon this feeling of hopelessness started to envelop all other aspects of my life. My once positive outlook, turned grim. I started feeling like I was losing my fight to hold onto to my future and my friends, and as though I was letting my family down. I soon gained a “why me?” mindset, that I couldn’t stray away from. I convinced myself that I was the only one struggling to this extent, and that everything bad was always happening to me. I felt completely uninspired and demotivated.

As I think back to how I let myself behave, or the way I let so many negative thoughts occupy my conscious mind, I feel ashamed. I focused on what I didn’t have without ever considering all that I did have. It was my sister who reminded me of why it’s useless to worry about what we can’t control and why we should spend more time reminding ourselves of what we’re grateful for. She planted a seed in my mind; if we don’t control our thoughts, we lose control of our lives. She, as well as the many others who stand in my corner reminded me of why I haven’t lost anything. They showed me that I had a blank canvas and an opportunity to paint whatever I wanted. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve gone through cycles of optimism mixed with feelings of sadness and loss, however I am working on minimizing the latter.

Looking for a silver lining especially in times of uncertainty is not easy, but like anything you do it is a choice that you must actively make at every chance you get. There is so much that we have in our lives to be grateful for that spending our time sulking is truly a waste of each day that we’ve been granted. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we need to take some time to ourselves, maybe even take a moment to cry our hearts out, but it’s important to come out of this experience feeling a sense of relief. It’s imperative to dry our eyes, take a breath and emerge more resilient in order to press forward.

Having a Plan B is an amazing idea but trying to figure it all out can be difficult, especially when you are so emotionally attached to your Plan A. Yet realize that taking another route doesn’t mean that you won’t get to your end destination. It just means that you now have the opportunity to see sights and experience things that you may not have had the chance to before. And with any route you take whether it is Plan A, B or even C, there will be obstacles in your way. You will fall, feel like giving up, and feel alone against the world. But remember that you’re not alone, and that there are people all around the world going through the same thing you are or likely even worse. Recognize what you have in your life; the things, the people, the opportunities, and be extremely grateful for them. If I’ve realized anything in these past couple of weeks, it is the absolute need to persist on, and not let your mind waver from whatever it is that makes you happy now, and will make you happy in the future. Spend your time thinking about those things, and experiencing the emotions that they give you as opposed to thinking about what you don’t have or don’t want. Overtime, this decision to actively rid your mind of negative thoughts will become habit, and overtime you will see your circumstances change, slowly, but surely.

– Vidhya S