A Journal Entry | December 31, 2020 | Goodbye 2020
I’ve been reflecting a lot about the past year, and how different it’s been from the previous ones. This year felt like the longest year of my life, yet it leaves me completely bewildered that the now infamous month of March is only 3 months away. To be honest, I’m at a complete loss of words to even begin articulating, let alone parsing through the train wreck of feelings I have towards this past year, to a point where I actually feel numb when I think about it. However, that in itself is evidence enough for me to know that regardless of what external situations may carry forth into 2021, I refuse to allow myself to continue to be halted by them. I am tired of being ambushed by these feelings of fear and uncertainty every time I try and look forward. The fact is, there has never been a single year where the hopes, and dreams and plans that I molded and remolded in my mind were ever actually guaranteed to take place. Yet, despite that fact I looked forward and pressed forward with unwavering belief that the brush strokes that would begin to bring my vision, and my dreams, and my future to life were already being pressed to the canvas. 2020, in its cruel and twisted way was likely completely and utterly necessary. I cannot hate it because it gave to me many gifts, particularly a few that make my heart feel full to the brim. But I can leave it where it rests, in all its infamy, dividing my life to either before or after its existence. Goodbye 2020.
Dear 2021, I’ve been waiting for you. I hope you are kind, and that you are calm, for it is with you that I choose to release my anxieties and find peace. I choose to chase freedom and joy, to look forward and fend off the restrictions that may bind my body, from binding my being and my mind too. I choose to see a clean canvas, and to begin pressing down my colours in all of their brilliance upon it. I choose to see the light that I know you carry, and that I carry too, and bring it forward together. I choose to see to see you, 2021, as something better.